Unshackled Moments ~ August 7, 2018 ~ Accepting The Problem

We admitted we were powerless over [Varied], that our lives had become unmanageable,

- Step 1

This is the beginning to freedom and recovery/ I put varied, because the 12 steps are now used for many different issues and for discipleship and not only for alcohol. For some, like me, alcohol fills in that blank, as do other chemicals. For others it may be gambling or shopping or pron or eating or.... the list is as varied as people themselves. Because while it may be a specific issue that brings us to this place, the problem is not what we fill in that blank with. Celebrate Recovery, a program I have not participated in, has adapted Step 1 to read as follows:

We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

This, I feel is closer to the truth, because what most of us in recovery learn is that our main issue is in no way the only one. The truth is what we are powerless over is self.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

- Romans 7:18

Do you flinch at that verse? I often do.  My knee jerk reaction is that I'm not all bad. Jesus said there is none good but God, and we know He spoke true, but don't we often still feel that most people are as good as they are bad and that some are mostly good? And if we feel that way, how can we agree with the idea that there is no good in us?

It's not that there is nothing good, that we are all 100% bad or evil. We are all, even people who never believe in God, created in His image, and He is good. But whatever good we have in us or are is never enough to make us love and live unselfishly and do right consistently.

It is common to hear in the rooms of recovery that Step 1 is the only step that must be done 100% in order to have success. What that means for someone like me is that we have to acknowledge and understand that we are completely powerless over alcohol and must rely totally on God and abstain. If I begin to doubt the truth of this then I naturally begin leaning on my own strength and sooner or later begin to think that I can control my drinking. I have had this happen before, and I relapsed. I did control it for a short time, but what I learned was twofold. First, I learned that if I control my drinking I don't enjoy it, but if I let myself enjoy it, I can't control it. Secondly, I learned that even with that I can not control it for long.

When it comes to the spiritual life and discipleship, this is also true. There is an old song that I no longer appreciate. In it is the line I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back; no turning back. Why don't I like it? Because I fell for it too many times. I would decide to follow Jesus and then try as hard as I could to follow through and not turn back. And then I would fail. Because this idea puts the burden on me. But I am powerless to deny self and follow Jesus. I will stop. I will turn back. I can not rely on myself at all. I have to have that understanding down 100%/ When I remember that, I remember that it is only by grace and His power that I can walk with Him. I may not be all bad, but the good in me is not enough to succeed. It might as well not even exist. If I owe a million dollars, having a hundred bucks in the bank may technically mean I have some money, but the reality is that I don't. I'm not just broke. I'm in the hole. I have good, but not nearly enough to get me out of the hole.

We must accept that we are bankrupt. We are the poor in spirit and must rely totally and completely on the mercy and grace of Daddy and the work of Jesus to save us. And while that sounds like defeat, it is freeing. It is freeing because we can stop the fight and the wearisome struggle of trying to do it ourselves. I don't have to try. I only have to surrender and rely on His love and grace for me. Then, and only then, can I love and live as God would have me.


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