Unshackled Moments ~ June 12, 2017 ~ No Fear Of Rejection

There's really not much worse that we can go through emotionally than rejection, and the flip side of that coin is that there is little that means more to us than acceptance.  There is a reason why we are most comfortable with people who accept us as we are and allow us to be ourselves, where we don't have to wear masks or pretend or be afraid of being rejected or cast aside. We naturally love people who love us and care for us. Few things do more damage to us than abuse and rejection from someone that we should be accepted by or someone whom we trusted, such as a parent, a helpmate or a best friend.

There are people who have been so hurt and damaged that their ability to love and or trust has been broken beyond repair without some serious help and healing. These folks often push others away, rejecting anyone and everyone before they themselves can be hurt by rejection. Others have such a strong drive for acceptance that they will stagnate to the point where life is choked and dreams die in a pond of mediocrity before making waves or taking a risk that might bring failure and with it possible rejection. Some develop better transforming techniques than any chameleon, blending with surroundings and people around them so much that at some point they honestly don't even know their own preferences, tastes, or beliefs. Whatever the people around profess and prefer is what they do, until the tide of opinion changes or their surroundings change. And of course there are the driven, the ones who excel no matter what it takes or costs, the perfectionists. The business people, the intellectuals, the athletes who are always after the next raise, the next accolade, the next win or record to break to show that they are worthy of acceptance, to prove their value and worth.

The sad thing is that none of it works. Regardless of which of these groups we fall in or choose, they simply will not protect us from rejection or guarantee acceptance. No amount of success, not being number one on the Fortune 500, not a perfect 4.0 and a Nobel Prize, not winning the Stanley Cup and series MVP two years in a row, nothing we can do earn or do, will mean that we can't be or won't be rejected, nor will it protect us from the pain that comes from being rejected or from killing ourselves trying to perform well enough to deserve acceptance.

The opposite doesn't work either, and refusing to allow people to care for us and holding everyone at arms length doesn't mean we aren't hurt and don't feel rejection. The pain of going through life believing that we don't deserve to be loved and cared for and that we wouldn't be if we allowed it, trying to convince ourselves and the world that we don't want or need acceptance and love, is a heartbreak that we were never intended to bear and evidence of being razed at our most vulnerable.

The chameleon self destructs after losing themselves in a maze of shifting opinions and attitudes and beliefs, after no longer being able to cope with the stress of hiding everything that's real about them to try to fit in with the crowd. We will do almost anything to belong, even if where we belong isn't acceptable, good or right. How many youth fall in with the bad crowd, the outcasts, losers and freaks and then defend that peer group with pride as though belonging in that group is the pentacle of achievement? That's simply because those other outcasts and freaks accept them totally and completely. I know. My motto for years was let your freak flag fly. But living contrary to what is right in order to be accepted somewhere, anywhere, is still a ticking time bomb that brings death and destruction into our lives, even as it provides needed acceptance.

And the decades of existence instead of living experienced by those mired in mediocrity come to an end with a whimper, having never found the joy that comes with purpose, having never answered the nagging questions of why are we here and isn't there more to life than this? The emptiness that comes from never having tried or taken a risk and the fear that we will be rejected at the end like the servant who buried his talent (see Matthew 25:13-30) is indication of a life that's been wasted and lived in fear, and yet, still does not protect against rejection or assure acceptance.

There is nothing we can do, in and of ourselves, to protect ourselves from the damage that is caused by rejection, and even by the possibility of rejection. Nor is there anything we can do to provide the security that comes from knowing that nothing can or will prevent us from being accepted. This innate need determines who we are, the way we respond to people and situations, and how we approach and travel through life. If there is any doubt that this is innately a part of who we are, and that none of us are immune from this need, I would encourage you, Dear Reader, to take the 2:48 minutes to watch the video below, but first, I need to remind you or let you know, that there is hope.

This need is part of who we are because we were created for relationship. And the good news is that we can have it. We don't have to earn it, or protect ourselves from it, or make ourselves into anything we're not, or hide who we are or anything but accept the One who accepts us. You don't have to strive or hope for acceptance, because you have already been accepted. Completely. Without reservation.

God loves you as you are, not as you should be, and His arms are open wide to hug you to Himself in acceptance if you would simply say yes to the call to come. No need to hide, because He knows you better than you do, at your worst, most shame filled moment, He loved you enough to die for you. He doesn't demand you get clean or right before coming. He just wants you to come. You don't have to measure up to some standard. He will give His rightness in exchange for your every shortcoming and inability to perform to the standard of perfection. He made you to uniquely reflect an aspect of who He is, and He has given you a purpose that includes risk and rejection from people that doesn't damage us as it normally would because we are at the same time secure that nothing and no one can cause us to not be accepted by the love that sent Jesus. He chose you for relationship with Himself and to be loved by Him and did all that was necessary to bring that about. He risked your rejection to show His awesome acceptance for you and for me,

He loves us as we are and not as we should be, but He loves us enough not to leave us the broken mess that we are. So we are already accepted and nothing will cause us to be rejected if we believe that He accepts us. And that gives us a position of strength that no one else has, the ability to live from a place of secured acceptance rather than living for acceptance. We don't have to gain the love and acceptance of God. We already have it, and nothing can take it away.

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