As I sat in the van, God began to deal with me about my attitude. The conversation in my spirit went something like this. How are they taking advantage? Are you even really doing this for them? No. I am doing this for the Lord and for Dad, because he asked me to help. All right. Now, If when Dad called he had said there was someone who needed help and he couldn't do it, could you drive them around to five or six places this afternoon, what would you have said? I would have said sure, no problem. I got it. If you would have done it willingly, then why are you getting upset about it? Because it should have been my choice.
Really? That's what you're going with? It should have been my choice? So, you didn't have a choice? Someone put a gun to your head and made them drive you to more places than you were willing to go? That last one sounded a lot like my mother, by the way. You could have said no. You could have said sorry but I agreed to take you here but that's all I'm going to do. No I couldn't. If someone compels a mile, go two...I know what that verse really means.
That wasn't a stroll. It was when a Roman official or soldier wanted to, they could pick someone to carry their pack, and that person, if a subject but not a citizen, had to carry it. They had to do it. But legally they could only be made to walk one mile. So Jesus said when someone was taking advantage for a mile, give them more than they can legally demand so that you show love for them and not obligation. Well, if that's how you're looking at it, shouldn't your attitude be more joyful about what you're doing? The extra mile doesn't show love if you're frustrated that you're going it. Doing something despite showing and feeling great exasperation at having to do so, does not make it a bigger or greater sacrifice. The larger sacrifice is to throw your attitude and your time on the altar and actually have a heart of love, compassion and joyful service.
At this point, everything went quiet, and I sat there, staring at the entrance of the building, waiting, and, in the stillness, it was time to make a choice and decide what I was going to do with the above. Was I going to hang on to my right to be frustrated and let my attitude take away from the service and dim my light, or was I going to lay it down on the altar, get out of the way, and pray they would see Jesus and not me, taking them the extra mile?
As my will wrestled with my desire to do His will and be an instrument of His love, God decided to slam an exclamation point on the situation. I saw this guy walking toward the door as a woman was coming out. She saw him, and even though he was still about 10 feet away, she held the door open for him. He didn't speed up. He didn't do anything to show that he appreciated what she was doing by trying to make her gift of service less inconvenient. And she didn't stop smiling. She didn't say, well, forget this. He can open his own door if he's going to take all day to get here. She just kept standing there, smiling holding the door until he went through it. I have no idea if he thanked her or not, but I know she was still smiling until he passed her and was gone.
That is more what it's supposed to look like, isn't it? I knew it was, but something in me just balked at admitting I was wrong. I wanted to be back home with Leah. So this was different. I was losing so much time with her. About the time my mind began to but the thought that I should be more like what I witnessed with the door, the woman stepped away from the door. Her smile vanished. It didn't turn into a scowl or anything negative, there simply was no one to receive it so it wasn't given. Then, being dressed for work more than exercise, she started half jogging half power walking to her car. She was late, or at least in a serious hurry.
So maybe the door thing only cost her about ten seconds. But anytime a person is feeling pressured enough by time and schedule to jog across a parking lot to their car, standing around waiting for someone for 10 seconds feels like forever. When in that much of a rush, brake lights still being on one second after the light turns green will bring a quick honk of the horn. Ten seconds is unthinkable. Yet, she waited, she smiled, she loved, and it didn't change anything that the object of her service didn't make any effort to make her service less inconvenient.
I saw Jesus yesterday, and the smile on her face changed my heart. I don't know if the person she was actually giving love to thought about it, or appreciated what she did or responded in any way, but her action ricocheted off of him and slew my selfishness before it could rise up enough to ruin my day and my own gift. I didn't quite make it to the altar with an unblemished gift, but at least it wasn't rotting and spoiling as it would have been soon had I not responded to what God put on my heart. I don't know if my passenger saw me or Jesus, but I know that I wasn't spied with anyone's eyes at my stinking selfish worst. And that was due in large part to the example of a woman I don't know and have never met and don't even know whether or not she's a follower of Christ and who had no idea I, or anyone else, was watching.
I want to be quicker to get to that place. I want to love like Jesus and go the extra mile joyously without having to wrestle my selfishness and bad attitude down and hog tying it to the altar before I can serve with a smile. And I want to remember that the person I am trying to be kind to may not be the only witness or the only recipient. I pray that for myself, and for you, Dear Reader, that we will be so surrendered and willing to give as unto the Lord that our yes to service will be carried out with love and a smile, regardless of the actions and reactions of the recipient of the yes, and that even when we don't know anyone is watching we will be a light and example of the love of Christ.
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