Unshackled Moments ~ June 15, 2017 ~ You Don't Have To Drink Buttermilk

Little kids simply do not naturally hide their need and desire for approval. One of the amusing anecdotes from my childhood that my parents share from time to time is how, at about two or three years of age, I would toddle over to my father when he was drinking buttermilk and ask for a taste. I don't know if this only happened the one time or if it happened multiple times and Dad kept doing this to me because, while he loved me, he and mom evidently found this hilarious, but according to them, I would take a drink of Dad's disgusting buttermilk, and then make this amusing (from the way they still laugh as they tell the story) awful face in reaction before saying, Mmmmm, good!

I think that was the first time I lied to my parents, and they laughed! They didn't laugh later when I lied, but that's another topic. The point is that I wanted to be like my daddy, and I wanted him to accept me and approve of me and give me the feedback that told me that I had those things. And it wasn't that he didn't. My issues in those areas between my dad and me came later. It was that I needed a daily, most likely a multi-daily dose of it. Most kids do. It's why one of the most common cries during an excursion or play time is Daddy or Mommy, watch me! as the child performs some feat of daring or skill.

And that need for approval never goes away. We simply learn to hide it or make it slightly less obvious. We all seem to hold the opinion that unashamed desperate cries to be accepted, approved of and validated are cute in four-year-olds but not so much in those in their forties. If we are not finding that approval we need our attempts to attain it from others can become desperate and destructive, and it can put us in the position of driving people from us and leading to rejection that only fuels the drive to have someone, anyone, accept and approve of us. Or, it can make us vulnerable to being used and abused by others, while we continually come back for more.

And it's not always subtle either. In a situation where inhibitions get set aside or numbed, it's not uncommon for the joke to become reality as someone says, Hold my beer and watch this! to a friend. There are other things and ways and reasons we act contrary to common sense or our best interests because we are willing to risk almost anything to gain that approval. Even those who seem to not need it, do. I remember the first time I saw the mask slip and the micro reaction on the face of someone I admired and wanted to be like because they didn't need anyone's approval accidentally showed the opposite to be true. He got his ego boost from people's approval and praise of his not needing approval.

We seek acceptance and approval in so many places and things, in our relationships with family, friends, and even encounters with strangers, in what we do for work and play (I can't believe you watch the show! It's so stupid!....Well, I don't really like it. My (insert relationship or name of partner or family member her) like it, so I...), the clothes we wear, the music we listen to or don't, and so many other things. But they can all fail us. People fall short. Circumstances change. And what was popular yesterday is a joke today (Anyone want a mullet?). At it's core, this comes from being born separated from the Creator we were made to have relationship with.

It's the approval and acceptance of God that we need more than any other, even if we don't realize it. It is in His approval and acceptance that we really can be OK when we don't have it in other places and people. But we are so well practiced in the need to earn approval and chase it, that we treat our Heavenly Daddy like others, begging for, demanding, trying to earn and deserve and seeking approval that we already have. That's right we already have it. Daddy loves you, is delighted with you, and has a deeper desire for relationship and intimacy with you than you have for Him. He loves you and accepts you as you are, not as you should be. Dirty, nasty and covered in shame? He will run to greet you and wrap His arms of love around you when you say yes to the call to come. He has done and provided everything we need to be accepted by Him. We don't have to keep trying to find it, gain it, earn it. We already have it. He is longing to laugh as we, with an understanding that we are loved and wanted and accepted, say Daddy, watch this! I want to be like You! But being like Jesus is never about having to pretend to enjoy buttermilk. We can taste and see that the Lord is good and that He loves us.

Today let us pray to understand the deep acceptance we have in Jesus and the understanding of who we are because we are loved and treasured and accepted by Daddy. And with a reminder of how important it is to have affirmation in our life, let us make sure to be a blessing of love and affirmation in the lives of others today.

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