Hell is an itch that can't be scratched.
- Bryan Gardine
My wife would agree with the above quote, and I'm getting there. It hasn't quite been hell, but it's getting miserably close to maddening. I have been itching for about three days now, and it's only getting worse. I had a little bit of heat rash and a small patch of poison oak after working outside all day Saturday, making for an itchy Father's Day. It wasn't that bad though.
But over the rest of the week I have done a lot more work outside, and as of yesterday, much more of my body is covered in scratches, bug bites, heat rash, and, oh yeah, more poison oak. And now I feel like one big itch. My poor wife, who can not stand to itch, would be screaming and in tears about now, I think. And perhaps my current situation is a reminder to be more empathetic and sympathetic. I usually scratch her back for her when it itches, but here lately, because what itched her was a wound that shouldn't be scratched, not only have I refused to scratch the particular spot but tried to keep her from doing so. Now, I find myself covered in itchiness and having to practice my preaching and fight the natural tendency to claw away. Still, I have been able, so far and for the most part, to keep from scratching. I'm not bragging. It is still distracting and frustrating. My constant fight to refuse to scratch the itch is not natural, It is a learned response.
Of course, I learned it because of another kind of itch that overpowered me and drove me as nuts as physical itching does my wife. I found the itch of changing reality and selfish hedonism unresistable. If it seemed like it might feel good try it, and if it felt good do it again, even if it hurt after was a cycle I lived by for far too long. I did so many things that I knew would hurt and do damage later because I couldn't resist the urge to scratch my spiritual itchy skin. The desire to sin and satisfy self drove me crazy if I even attempted to ignore it or refuse to give in, and most of the time I didn't bother fighting. When impulse itched I scratched.
The problem with scratching an itch is that it works, temporarily. Then the itch comes back, worse than before. Demanding more scratching, which leads to worse itching, which demands more vigorous scratching, which...this cycle can go on and on until it drives us insane and causes some serious damage. Scratching actually damages our skin. It causes delays in healing whatever is causing the itch in the first place. It can lead to open sores and infection. And it confuses our brain by making pain pleasurable. What would make us whence and recoil in the absence of an itch is what makes us deliriously happy, for a moment, when the itch is present.
The itch of sin is no different. Giving in is temporarily satisfying, but it also makes things worse, does damage and the itch is more intense when it returns. Scratching my itchy spirit finally wound me up in prison, and that is where I learned not to scratch the physical itch. I know people who don't know better often think prisons are vacation resorts where you lay around enjoying three meals a day in climate controlled ease. Not in Texas. Ignore for a moment the violence and abuse that fills the prison system, they are nasty places. You simply can't get or keep the truly clean, no matter what you do to try. Antibiotic resistant staph is a common occurrence among inmates, and at least one man died of staph in the Texas system in 2004.
An open wound could kill you. Infections come easy while good and timely medical attention is hard to come by. So you learn. Don't scratch. Don't take the chance. A mosquito bite today could be staph tomorrow if you can't resist the urge to claw at it. Over time I learned that my itching didn't increase, my wounds healed more quickly and that a constant low-grade itch was better than the intense itch that returned after the temporary relief of scratching. So I don't scratch....usually. It still sometimes makes me want to scream. But if I ignore that initial moment, I find the intensity fades.
Though there are times when, even after all the learning and experience I find myself reaching to rub and scratch that itch. I can't resist all the time. Sometimes it happens before I can even stop the reaction long enough to think about what would be the best thing to do. And so it is with living for self. No matter how much we know that the relief that comes from pleasing self rather than loving God and loving others just makes things worse, sometimes we can't resist the urge to scratch. Other times we react without thought of what we are doing and the consequences. Instantly we react to some stimulus and the next thing we know, we are nails deep in sin wondering how that happened. Even when we can resits it may feel like a constant battle, a distraction that never goes away and begins to drive us mad.
But the balm of the presence of God soothes our itchy spirit. When we seek Him rather than scratching, the itch fades. And the more we do that, our spirit changes and grows more and more immune to the bites and poisons that used to have us jumping to scratch. We come to the place where they simply do not effect us as before. It's more than knowledge. More than a learned response not to scratch or understanding the truth that scratching makes things worse. That will only work for so long and so often. There will also be plenty of failure. But turning to Daddy and covering ourselves in the Calamine lotion of the Spirit soothes our itchy spirit. And time spent in the truth of who God is and His love for us, as well as basking in the rays of the light of His presence builds up our immunity to the allergies that used to make us rush to scratch.
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