Unshackled Moments ~ October 15 ~ I confess

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer. Selah I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah 

 - Psalm 32:1-5

Sometimes it feels so hard to let go of the past, to think that we will ever be free of the guilt and shame and to overcome the obstacles its wreckage leaves in our life. David knew about bearing guilt and struggling with the past. David is known primarily as a man after God's own heart and as the writer of many of the Psalms. He was the second and one of the greatest kings of Israel;. He also used his position and authority as king as a way to have an adulterous affair and later had the woman's husband killed to hide his crime. In the land of Israel, the king was both a murderer and a sex offender and should have been stoned to death for both crimes according to the law. He received mercy and grace, but there were still severe consequences for his mistakes. Everything in his life was affected and tainted by that sin, that crime, that mistake until he died.

The mercy and grace that David received did not erase all the consequences. It didn't keep his sons from losing respect for him, abusing and trying to kill him to take the throne. He never had it forgotten. It never disappeared from his record. Thousands of years later, we can turn to II Samuel 11-I Kings 2 and read all about his mess up and the mess that followed until his death. Never mind a scarlet letter, his sin made the Book, and people talked about it from the time it was discovered until, well, probably until Jesus returns. 

But David discovered the wonder and freedom of forgiveness that comes with confession. He started a Psalm of contemplation with the declaration that those who have been forgiven are blessed, despite not being spared some of the natural consequences. Blessed are those who have been forgiven and who can live honestly. It's hard to be honest when you're hiding and covering up sin in life. He thinks back on his mistakes and sees that when he thought he'd gotten away with it and was hiding it, he was miserable, afraid, having to lie with words and life daily, and he was dying inside. There may be things in our life where we can relate. Things that we have felt that silence is the best possible way to escape the shame of our past. If others don't know, it can't hurt them. If others know they'll look at me differently. Whatever excuse we use to stay in hiding about the things we have done and have been done to us, the better way is to expose them to the light. There's an axiom that we are only as sick as our secrets. We have to stop lying, even to ourselves, and hiding our past and our present in order to heal.

Family problems, addictions, behavior issues, bad habits, things we've done and things done to us, etc. may seem to be better kept quiet about, and I'm not saying we should shout all problems and sins from the roof tops of social media. A little more discretion in some areas might do a lot of us some good. But there should be at least one person besides ourselves that we have talked to about and been open and honest with about what has been a dirty little secret. If we continue to guard that secret with our lives, it will cost us just that. Our life.  Silence and secrets always lead to an infected spirit and tormented mind that festers and worsens with time, and it always, always begins to affect the other areas of our life.

David found the key to freedom from guilt. He got honest with himself and with God. He confessed. Confession isn't about letting God know what we did or what's been done to us. We don't have any dark little secrets from God. No matter how well we've lied to ourselves, denied, covered up and hidden our toxic waste from ourselves, God knows it all. He's never fooled by our lies or manipulations, and the things we do to forget don't affect Him. Confession is for us, not Him. Confession means we're finally going to address what's killing us. It means that we're going to do something critical to healing, which is to admit that we can't heal it or fix it ourselves. 

There's something broken and shameful in us all. We all have places of brokenness and things in the past and present we wish didn't exist, that we could keep the world (including ourselves) from knowing and thinking about, things that we bear guilt, shame and fear of, about or over. But our brokenness is not a bad thing. Jesus didn't come for the ones who have it perfectly all together (you know, the myths that we compare ourselves to). He came for the broken, the sick and the messed up. If we pretend to be healthy the Doctor can't do much, but when we're honest about where we're at and where we've been, He can do His work to heal and restore us. We've all kept secrets at times, but some are carrying around secrets that are killing them. It may be skeletons in the closet about the past, sexuality, impulses, bitterness, anger, finances, marriage, work, or a million other things. What may send one person screaming into the darkness and hiding from the monsters under the beds we made and now have to lie in may not bother someone else. Wow, they don't just wear that scarlet letter, they made a billboard out of it. Have they no shame? They probably do, about something else they're hiding and distracting people from by not having shame over what they don't or can't hide, but if they are blessed, then maybe not. Because there is a place in the light of God, where no, there is no need to have any shame. The Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony are our two most powerful weapons and tools to help others with. The word of our testimony, which is the experience, strength and hope of our past and our present, can't be effective while sheathed in shame. But if we keep playing the game and keeping silent about our secrets, we can’t heal and move forward, and we surely can't help anyone else.

Despite his past and his mistakes and the consequences they caused, David ends this time of contemplation with a declaration that his life is victorious. 10 Many sorrows shall be to the wicked; But he who trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him. 11 Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous; And shout for joy, all you upright in heart! The righteous have victory and joy. Those who aren't righteous are considered wicked and have many sorrows. We might be inclined to think that the difference between the two is one sins and has things that they are or should be ashamed of and the other doesn't. But David has shown through this psalm and by the example of his life, both good and bad, that the difference is actually only that one has been forgiven and no longer has to hide in the dark and lie. The glorious song of the righteous is not the song of perfection but the song of redemption, restoration and forgiveness. I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever, because I understand just how merciful He is, because I, like David, have been in dire need of that mercy, deserving death but receiving life.

Can you come to the place where you see that truth of that in your own life? If so, then you are blessed. Even if we have to wear a scarlet letter in the eyes of others for the rest of our lives, let us leave our shame with our other burdens at the foot of the cross of forgiveness and walk through this day with the understanding that we are clean before our Lord and that what we've experienced can help others if we don't hide.