Welcome to Back To The Future Day. The internet and social media are all abuzz with comparisons between what the movie predicted and what reality gave us. The two minute Youtube video below is one of many that explores the subject that has Cubs fans excited and many of the rest of us wondering where our hover boards are. Life hasn't turned out quite like the fantasy or the dreams. And let's face it, that may be a good thing. After all, fashion and attitudes of 2015 through the lens of 1989 are not so appealing today.
Time travel is not only possible, it's dangerous. It's so easy to get trapped in the cycle of visiting the past in our mental time machine and replaying it differently. Imagine making this or that choice differently and the alternate time line that would result. If we get tired of that, we can fast forward to the future and jump ahead where somehow everything is fantastic and amazing. But sooner or later, we have to come back to reality, and when we do, what do we focus on? Do we see the ways life is better than we imagined, or do we mourn our lack of hover boards?
Today is my personal Back To The Future Day as well. It's hard not to look back at all the dreams and expectations I had not only in 1989 but on October 21, 2008 and compare where I am and what I have to what I hoped for and thought might be. Seven years ago today, I walked out of the Walls unit of TDCJ, finally free after seven and a half years in prison. I've almost been out as long as I was in, and as that time gets closer and closer to the same I struggle more and more with what might have been and fighting to stay out of my personal time machine.
Seven years ago Texas set me free. In less than 24 hours I would realize how unfree I actually was as my parole officer laid down the rules I would have to live by for the next six months and denied my request to go to my aunt's funeral. I had missed a few funerals while inside, but now I was out and still couldn't go pay my respects to a woman I loved and hadn't seen or been there for due to my mistakes. I would never be able to make that right. Over 500 job applications later, and I learned that a true second chance and employment in a field I enjoy and that will pay that bills will be a miracle on the magnitude of parting the Red Sea, if it ever happens at all. About a week into parole it became clear that I couldn't stay sober for even as little as six months, even to assure not having to go to prison. My emotional downward spiral began as I came to terms with the fact that I was an alcoholic and an addict and would never be able to successfully or safely drink or drug again.
Over these past seven years I have learned the ways my past, despite forgiveness, will affect and limit my life for the rest of my days on this side of eternity. There are doors which will not open without miracles. Hopes from around the time the movie which started all this reflection have withered and died, and while I'm ok with that most days, sometimes there is a dark, black ache in my heart and soul as I deal with the losses that mean some of the blessings of God are never going to by mine. Psalms 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them, and similar scriptures at times feel like taunts and reasons to question all sorts of things from past actions and choices to God's love. I could go on until I became one raw, wounded, angry nerve screaming that life isn't fair and throwing a temper tantrum over not getting my flipping hover board. Chances are if you look back at where you thought you could be at various times from when you entered your teen years, to exiting them to whatever milestone was reached where you thought OK from here on things will get better, you can see the places where the hover boards are missing and life hasn't lined up with what you predicted, expected or hoped for.
But that's because we focus on the wrong thing when we look at the fantasy future. Take another look at the 2015 from Back To The Future and compare it to today's reality. Other than the hover boards, the flying cars and for a few, maybe the Cubs, does it really look as good as out reality, much less better? I believe our reality looks a lot better than the movie clips, and I know that the life I have today is better than what I would have had, if I where even still alive, which is doubtful. Today I have a life worth living that I never dreamed possible. I have a relationship with God the likes of which I never believed possible from the time I was grade school aged. I am happy as a minister, and hope to be able to dedicate myself to full-time ministry in the future, a calling I literally said no to and ran out of the church to get high over in the mid-1980s before spending far too long pulling a Jonah imitation. I couldn't believe that preaching and doing what God wanted could be as joyous and satisfying as having the hover boards and flying cars I dreamed of. Now I know that following God is not as joyous and as satisfying, it's far more so.
When I gave up on some of my own dreams, God gave me others, better ones. He brought Leah into my life, and I couldn't have made a more perfect match and helpmate for myself if I had tried. I never believed I could have a relationship like ours and be so happy. I will never be a father, but I get to be a grandfather, and I have two amazing adult stepchildren I love and am proud of. There is a life so much better than the never ending party I thought I wanted. God's plans for us are far far better than the fantasies we create out of our own selfish desires. There may be areas in all our lives where the loss is still heavy and hard, where the land is still barren and yet to be restored, where the wounds have not yet turned to scars and still hurt, but the fact remains that reality road is better than traveling in our mental time machines, trapped in the past or the dreams and fears of tomorrow when we travel it in His will and with an understanding that He loves us, as we are, not as we should be. He has a plan. He wants to give us both a life worth living now and a future better than we imagined. But the only way to reach it is to get out of the time machine, let go of the hover board and come back to the now. See with a fresh perspective what the Lord has done, all the near misses that grace provided, the disasters that love kept from utterly destroying us, the captivity we have been set free from, the rain in the droughts and the promise of restoration and blessing beyond our wildest hopes.
We can keep going Back To The Future and frustrate our lives with comparisons or we can go Back To The Father with thanksgiving and praise and get something better than what we wanted in the first place. The choice is ours, yours and mine. Daddy won't make it for us. But for me, I'm going to make this a Back To The Father day. I've lived with the disappointment of Back To The Future long enough. How about you?
But that's because we focus on the wrong thing when we look at the fantasy future. Take another look at the 2015 from Back To The Future and compare it to today's reality. Other than the hover boards, the flying cars and for a few, maybe the Cubs, does it really look as good as out reality, much less better? I believe our reality looks a lot better than the movie clips, and I know that the life I have today is better than what I would have had, if I where even still alive, which is doubtful. Today I have a life worth living that I never dreamed possible. I have a relationship with God the likes of which I never believed possible from the time I was grade school aged. I am happy as a minister, and hope to be able to dedicate myself to full-time ministry in the future, a calling I literally said no to and ran out of the church to get high over in the mid-1980s before spending far too long pulling a Jonah imitation. I couldn't believe that preaching and doing what God wanted could be as joyous and satisfying as having the hover boards and flying cars I dreamed of. Now I know that following God is not as joyous and as satisfying, it's far more so.
When I gave up on some of my own dreams, God gave me others, better ones. He brought Leah into my life, and I couldn't have made a more perfect match and helpmate for myself if I had tried. I never believed I could have a relationship like ours and be so happy. I will never be a father, but I get to be a grandfather, and I have two amazing adult stepchildren I love and am proud of. There is a life so much better than the never ending party I thought I wanted. God's plans for us are far far better than the fantasies we create out of our own selfish desires. There may be areas in all our lives where the loss is still heavy and hard, where the land is still barren and yet to be restored, where the wounds have not yet turned to scars and still hurt, but the fact remains that reality road is better than traveling in our mental time machines, trapped in the past or the dreams and fears of tomorrow when we travel it in His will and with an understanding that He loves us, as we are, not as we should be. He has a plan. He wants to give us both a life worth living now and a future better than we imagined. But the only way to reach it is to get out of the time machine, let go of the hover board and come back to the now. See with a fresh perspective what the Lord has done, all the near misses that grace provided, the disasters that love kept from utterly destroying us, the captivity we have been set free from, the rain in the droughts and the promise of restoration and blessing beyond our wildest hopes.
We can keep going Back To The Future and frustrate our lives with comparisons or we can go Back To The Father with thanksgiving and praise and get something better than what we wanted in the first place. The choice is ours, yours and mine. Daddy won't make it for us. But for me, I'm going to make this a Back To The Father day. I've lived with the disappointment of Back To The Future long enough. How about you?
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