Unshackled Moments ~ August 23, 2017 ~ Despising The Shame

In yesterday's Moment, Solitude And Silence, I had to state that I'm not getting on to anyone. I'm not saying shame on us for not spending more time alone with Daddy, being quiet and still so that we remember and know who He is. The Moment was all about encouragement to do something that helps us and not about shame for not doing it well or as well as we should or even could. But I felt sensitive to the possibility that it could be taken as a reason to feel shame because for a moment as I wrote it to encourage us I felt the flip side of the coin, I felt the shame.

If you are in recovery and have ever been knowingly in bondage to something, then chances are very very good that you are familiar with the evil of shame. All people feel shame at times, but to evil shame, shame that is toxic and kills us from the inside out is different. Being a Christian does not immediately and permanently do away with the build up of poisonous shame in our system, nor do we always instantly change so that we don't pump more into ourselves. Some people find Jesus and lay down their addiction at the cross, never struggling with it or being tempted by it again. Most of us don't get teleported to freedom though and victory over our bondage and the breaking of the chains is a journey that takes time and struggle. The same is true of the shame that can be a side effect of our slavery and even a slave master itself. Some may never feel the leech of shame sucking the life from their soul after finding Jesus, but many of us, even as Christians, must battle the demon regularly before finding freedom that can't be lost, before we stop feeling the weight of the chains that have been broken.

I'm sick of being ashamed. I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it. At least pain is real. I mean, you look around and you see nothing is real, but at least the pain is real.

Some of you may recognize the above quote. For those who don't, it's a line by the character Mark Hunter in the movie from 1990 Pump Up The Volume. Now, for those who haven't seen it, this is not a Christian movie in any sense of the word. It is full of juvenile sexual jokes and part of the point is the profane and vulgar speech. But while it is nothing but crass and crude on the surface, there is something deeper going on in the film, something that many of my generation identified with, the need to rise up against the shame and those who would make us feel it. Shame was a part of my life from before I reached my teens and part of the pain that led to my addictions came from trying to deal with that. I know I am not alone. Several of my friends killed themselves in the 80s and many more of us tried. Pump Up The Volume dealt with some of the feelings that we were trying to escape and figure out, and when he said the above, Mark Hunter was the most like Jesus than he ever was in the movie.

Now, I'm not saying that the character is an example of Christ or remotely Christ-like. I am saying in that moment he accidentally came a little closer to doing something the way Jesus did.

...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

- Hebrews 12:2

You may be familiar with this verse. I know I have used it more than once, talking about how Jesus embraced the cross, endured the suffering, and was able to do that because of the joy He knew would come from it, namely our reunion of relationship with our Creator. But I realized there is more to it than that. I have read this verse I don't know how many times, but the words never really sunk in and grabbed me before this morning. Not the for the joy...endured... I've gotten that. I think it's awesome. It's the despising the shame that never really got through.

For most of my life I have run from, tried to escape, attempted to numb and mask suffering, discomfort and hardship, but I embraced shame like a long lost friend. I wrapped myself up in shame and let it take me into the depths of hell. Even as I declared to live by the motto of Let Your Freak Flag Fly, I knew and mourned the feeling that I was defective, broken beyond repair, and that if anyone really knew what I felt and thought and was that I would be rejected and rightfully so. Maybe you can relate.

But Jesus did the opposite. He embraced the hardship and the suffering. He did not run from what He was going from. He didn't reject the cross. He did though reject the shame that comes from being beaten, exposed and hung out for the world to see. He did refuse to embrace the shame that those who were killing Him and those who were cheering them on tried to heap on Him. He took the mockery and the ridicule without agreeing with it or accepting it as deserved or true. That may be one of the top ten miracles of all time, and I never really saw it before! It's way bigger than feeding a few thousand people. Imagine being under the weight and guilt of the whole world's sin and being told how wrong you are and how worthless you are and being able to reject rather than embrace the shame of that sin and what's being done to you!

If you have been beaten and enslaved by shame there's not a lot of point in fighting it. You can't beat it back and escape that slave master any more than you can any other. I think drink and drug is much easier to beat than the tendency to embrace and endure shame. But there is hope, there is good news. The same Jesus who came to set us free and to heal and restore us, who set us free from the sin, from the way we once were, from the habits and addictions also came to set us free from shame. The power that is in us that is great enough to give us the ability to do what we could never do on our own also gives us the power to reject shame and the voice that says we deserve it.

Freedom from shame is ours because of the One in us, the only one who was ever able to embrace and endure suffering while rejecting the shame that goes with it. He did it, and He will continue to do it in us, for us and through us, if we give our shame to Him rather than wrestling it ourselves. Today let us practice acknowledging those feelings of shame but instead of either accepting them or trying to fight them, let us play hot potato and pass them quickly to Jesus who alone has the power to defeat them and transform us into someone other than who we were ashamed to be.

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