Other days though it doesn't work as well. Why? Because I hit snags, something goes wrong. I have problems with the priority items at the top of the list, which delay everything else. Personally I have a tendency to get stressed at that point and begin trying to force things. I have to get this done or I won't get anything done. Important things won't get done and that is not acceptable. I have to do this now. I don't have time to waste not making progress. There's too much to do. I feel like the silly rabbit running around freaking out about being late and running too far behind to think straight.
That happened to me this morning. I have a lot to do today. Too much to get it all done, and that's without even looking at the things that have been regularly getting bumped to the bottom of the priority list. I knew that yesterday when my list got added to. Suddenly my list got longer, harder to accomplish, and what was added took high must do spots on the list. Causing some things that are important to be made less likely to get done. So, I got up over two hours earlier than usual. That's the ticket, I thought. I'll just start earlier and add more time to do it all in. Sounds reasonable, logical even. Didn't work out too well.
An hour an a half later I felt even more pressure because I hadn't accomplished anything. I felt stuck. The first thing on my list, number one priority, was to take care of my morning spiritual needs and write this, whatever this would be. The day's Moment is the one must do no matter what thing I had on my list before the two things that were added last night. And I had nothing. No thoughts. No inspiration. I couldn't get it done, and the more nothing came to me, the more pressure I felt and the less effective I became.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Often I will hear that prayer explained that the things I can't change are others, the things I can are about me. But this morning what I could not change was my situation. I could not force the words to come. I could not get still and quiet in my mind while cracking the whip on my self to get done what I knew needed to be done. What I could change, barely and only by grace, was my reaction to being stuck. I wanted to push on through. I wanted to gut up and not let anything stand in the way of doing what I knew God wanted me to do today. So I stopped. I stopped struggling. Stopped trying to force it and make it happen. God help me. What do you want me to receive and pass on this morning. You know I need to get this done so that I can do the other things I need to do.
Yes, you need to do this, but do you need to do it now? Must it be started and finished before anything and everything else? Can't you spend time with Me while doing some of the other things and trust me to give you what you need for the Moment? You need to let me give to you instead of trying to create something.
God, as usual, had a very good point. I was trying to make things happen in my strength and in my time and in my order. I took a break from trying to force inspiration and went to the next item on the list, taking care of my dad's goats while he is out of town. As I sat by the chute holding one goat and letting her eat grain from a can while her babies nursed and holding the leg of another so she wouldn't kick her babies away (she's a bad mama and has to be forced to let her kids suckle) I relaxed and put everything on hold until I was done. When I wasn't trying to make something happen, it happened. I began to be able to fellowship and commune with Daddy.
After a few minutes of prayer and meditation, the story of Gideon came to mind in a way I never really thought about before. If you want to read the story, it can be found in Judges 6-8. The gist is that Gideon was hiding from the enemy threshing wheat when an angel appeared to him and told him to fight the enemy. He took 300 men and they were victorious over a large army. The story is usually told to encourage us not to be afraid of doing what God has called us to do, even when the odds are overwhelming. But this morning I saw it in a different light.
Gideon was afraid, but he was taking care of business. With the enemy all around him, he was threshing wheat. This wasn't an unimportant task. It was critical. His family being fed and surviving depended on it. I can't imagine anything could take priority over that to him, which is why he was risking everything to make it happen. Suddenly the Lord sent a messenger who was telling him to do more than have faith in God's protection and fight the enemy. He was told to put the most important thing he had to do on hold. Talk about rearranging priorities and schedules.
He didn't hesitate. He didn't say OK, I'll get right on that as soon as I finish with the wheat so my family can eat. He left the wheat undone and went to war. God gave him victory, and the Bible doesn't say anything about him going back and finishing the work. It does say though that he lived and his family grew, which means what needed to get done got done.
Today let us not get so stuck in our own plans and thinking that we can't adjust as the Holy Spirit would have us. God may have different priorities for us than we do. Even when they are the same, God may have a better schedule and order. It may even simply be that He wants us to look to him for our direction instead of leaning on our own understanding. As for me, it worked out when I let it go, and this will be finished about the same time as usual after all. And I needed that reminder that God is in control of my day and not me, because my schedule just got even more messed up and difficult to manage today. I wanted the message I received but not the complication it caused. Still God knew, and He is able. If I had not had the trouble I had this morning and the reminder that my list is not carved in stone or sent by God and that I need to be willing to adjust as the Spirit leads, I would be freaking out right now. As it is, I have more peace and serenity at this moment then I did when I believed I had an extra two and a half hours instead of even less time than normal with even more than I woke up having to do. The only things I really must do today are love God, love others and let Him guide me. That is true of you as well, Dear Reader.
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