Unshackled Moments ~ October 19, 2018 ~ Subtle Selfishness

Sometimes it's so easy to spot selfishness and self-centeredness in ourselves and in others. But what about the times when we can hide our self-centeredness behind what we are doing for others? These situations can make it easier to keep self alive because the result is not as obviously destructive.

Can it be true that to help someone can be as self-centered as disregarding the needs and feelings of others to do what I want? The answer is yes. Coming to this understanding of what it means to deny self and follow Jesus comes with growth. After cutting down the ugly and obvious thorn bushes of self-will run riot, there comes a time when we need to dig out the roots, what's not obvious and lives under the surface, in order to slow the return of the weeds that choke out the life of love and service.

I came to the realization one day that I didn't want anything to do with anything or anyone that didn't have anything to do with me. My motives for compassion and service were not pure. They were selfish. I cared about the people and things that effected my life. I wanted to help others when it would make my life better to do so. When it would bring me acceptance, praise, or even simply a feeling of worth.

I helped others find freedom so that I could keep my own freedom. Helping other addicts helped keep me sober. I wanted to be of service because it made me feel good. It made me look better. Yes, he was a horrible person when in his cups and in the chains of addiction, but look at him now. Service was a way for me to overcome the past and balance the scales. Even when service wasn't the issue, I cared about people that seemed to care about me while living a life of apathy towards people I didn't know or who where indifferent towards me.

This is where many start. I've heard in more than one meeting that the quickest way to help ourselves is to help someone else. It's so much easier to resist the temptation of destructive selfishness when we are actively trying to encourage, strengthen and help someone else. It's easier to believe that I am not worthless as a human being when I begin doing things that make the lives of others better instead of wreaking havoc. So, helping others to help ourselves is a natural place to start, and that's OK. What's not OK is staying there. If we stay at the start we are not growing and making progress. Motives matter.

I am certainly not advocating not helping others or waiting until we can have 100% purely altruistic motives before we are of service. Service and  compassion are essential components to following Jesus and living a life worth living. I am also not saying that we should fail to appreciate that are ability to care for others besides ourselves shows growth and change, makes us feel good and even brings acceptance and praise from others. Those are good fruits. But let us not chase the fruit, enjoy it, be grateful for it, but we shouldn't allow it to be our motivation. Let us be willing to submit to the Spirit in such a way that we see when our motives become selfish and learn to love like Jesus loves. Let us desire to be so filled by the Spirit that loving others and caring and compassionate service become simply about that love and being like Jesus so that we are just as quick to care for those who don't care about us and just as quick to serve when it doesn't bring us glory or praise or because we need something ourselves.


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