Unshackled Moments ~ October 9, 2018 ~ Lake Of Communication

Relationships can be ruined by lake of communication. No, that is not a typo or an auto correct mistake, at least not on my part. This came across my Twitter feed because someone I follow liked it, and I noticed that over 2000 others have liked it as well. My first thought was, "Are that many people willing to ignore the typo and like the message? That's awesome!" We get so rigid and nit picky sometimes that we throw away some good ideas because they're not perfect or perfectly delivered.

But then I thought, "Wait. What if it's not a typo? What if the originator really did mean lake of communication rather than lack?" It could still be true. In fact, it could even be more true. It is as dangerous, if not more so, to the life of a relationship to say too much instead of saying too little. I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't share the truth of how we feel and what we think. Honest communication is important. But not everything we say impulsively is true. I'm not saying that we're lying as much as we say things in the heat of anger, frustration, confusion and as reaction to someone else's words or deeds that we can regret the second we say them.

But once the words fly, they can never return to us without impacting along their flight path. Someone forgiving us and understanding that we didn't really mean it does not mean that we didn't cause damage.

Sometimes we use the concept of rigorous honesty to be cruel. The truth must be true, but it never has to be brutal. Jesus is truth, and He is love, which means that the truest truths can always be spoken in love. It may be true for me to point out the mistakes of others, but what is the point? What is the motivation behind doing so? There are times when we need our mistakes shown to use to help us correct and grow. Other times that revelation only brings shame, condemnation and hopeless because we already know. The words may be true but they are a hammer pounding us. If our words won't reveal truth that isn't already known by the hearer, edify, encourage, strengthen, build up and give hope, if they don't make someone understand that they have value and are cared for, then most likely it would be better if they dried up on on our lips rather than contribute to the flood waters that bury others beneath the lake of condemnation, criticism and feelings of worthlessness and shame.

Finally, especially for those like me who are verbal processors, if we just start talking, writing, texting, messaging.....communicating, without thinking it through, we may be half way through what we were going to say before we realize we were wrong and way off base. Or it may not be until the receiver reacts our of hurt and anger that we realize that we didn't communicate in a way that could be understood the way we intended. One of the keys in recovery when it comes to relationships is restraint of pen and tongue (and keyboard). James 1:19-20 puts it this way, "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

We need to acknowledge our feelings, and our feelings are real. But they are not always truth. It sometimes causes more harm than good to a relationship to just dump and spew all our thoughts and feelings into the lake of communication. Instead, let us dump and rant in prayer to God. Then, when we have sorted out what is real, what is true, what is necessary for strengthening relationship, through the guidance of the Spirit we can speak life and truth into the matter.

It doesn't have to be a flood or a drought when it comes to communication. Let us keep the water levels high enough to give life, remembering the Jesus is the living water and we need the Spirit to guide our words, but let us not drown others on a lake of destruction with our words. Speak truth. In love. Or don't speak.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

- Ephesians 4:29

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